i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
