Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize