note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
