Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
