Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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