so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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