I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
