I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
