please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
