Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
