No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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