the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You are the jesus of drinking
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
