no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
