thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize