and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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