The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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