Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
