Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
