4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
