walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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