The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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