He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize