considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
