the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
there is glitter all over my balls
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize