I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
