Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
