Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
