I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
