i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
