I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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