He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
