He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Sponge bath it is.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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