The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just sucked dick on a ferry
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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