You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
