I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she smelled like a LAN party
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
