You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
