not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize