I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
