I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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