are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I pour the whiskey from now on
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
