I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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