whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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