So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize