How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Houston, we have a blender
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
