thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
