i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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