you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
