We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
