First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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