Have you finally orgasmed yet?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
