We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
