the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize