Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We have started to decorate penises.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
