Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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