Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
