my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
