TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
