I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
