he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
