I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
