my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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