Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
