my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize