I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
