i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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