Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
