i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
