Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
