I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
a search helicopter?!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
