do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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