i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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