Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
