don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
