I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize