I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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