I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
