i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
