life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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